Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
