I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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