worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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