oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
