I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
