i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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