Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize