i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
