also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
