it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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