I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So vagazzling was a success
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
