meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I don't think brook has ever known best
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
