the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
