She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
