Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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