i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
