Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
