UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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