Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
