My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
