I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
