I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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