You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
