dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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