Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
