Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
