you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
