dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
