My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
