sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Randomize
