i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
