You made me cry and you don't even care
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
