I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
