Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
