she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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