I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Randomize
