I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
