Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm too high and old for this...
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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