If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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