If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
