so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
