Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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