I CAN MOONWALK!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
