it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
