Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
