i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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