He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
