the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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