His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
