It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
