yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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