You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Couch. On fire.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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