Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
