I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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