it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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