Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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