i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
