Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
