Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
