I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
