very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
