New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
