The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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