don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
