You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
